I have demons in me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
