She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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