i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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