You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
