i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
