I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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