I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
