She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
