my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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