Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
