Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
