As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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