no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
