U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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