walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
