Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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