i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
