I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
