1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
