It's Friday. Sex?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
