Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
