im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
