she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
