The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
