i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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