Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize