ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
