Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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