TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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