omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
