i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
