bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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