Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well I just put wine in my tea
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
