My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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