I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
