I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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