I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
