she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
