My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
