My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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