do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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