i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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