I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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