i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
