Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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