That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
