A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I understand Curling. That high.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
