dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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