I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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