is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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