I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
