we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize