Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
