No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Randomize