the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
