Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
