he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
