john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
