Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
