Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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