May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
