If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
