Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize