Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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