what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
