I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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