I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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