Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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