We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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