Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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