you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
