im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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