He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
