3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
