I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
