and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
