It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
