I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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