she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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