Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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