okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
