Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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