I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
