It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
