you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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