maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
