we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
