she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
