He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
