U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
