where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
