i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
