her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
