My first STD was from a foam party
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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