Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
