bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i was born a porn star she said
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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