Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
