I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
