Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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