I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
