You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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