yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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